Building the Walls

Sadness has taken over my life and I'm fighting with every ounce of strength that I have left to not let it get to me. Determined to overcome whatever life hands to me, I know I can get past it like I always have. This time it's different. I have changed.

There has only ever been few people besides Andrew that I let in fully, and one was Carmon. It seems like once I grow comfortable with someone they always leave, or drop dead. It puts somewhat of a damper on trusting people. Someone said to me yesterday, "you have to take chances on love." What if I don't want to? I'm tired of opening myself up only to be ripped to shreds. Why do I have to always be the one that's vulnerable and receive nothing in return? I wont do it, at least not for a while. I'm building up my walls again, even though I know it's not the right answer, it's the easiest for now. Just like I pulled the walls down I can easily build them up again.

Friends, is that really something I can handle being with him right now? The moment he finds someone else I know that I wont be able to. I'm closing the doors and boarding up the windows. No one is going to break me.