1. Find a place. The problem with this option? Well, I'm flat broke.
2. Move in with Mom. As I said earlier, I have lots of family issues and on top of that her house is already crowded and messy. I hate mess.
3. Run away to Oklahoma to stay with my aunt. Lots of issues with this option but on Tuesday it seemed like the most likely situation. I couldn't take my car (it's in his name) and I have my dog and all of my stuff here. What if I didn't like it and was bored to death? What if I couldn't find a job? Where would I end up a couple years from now?
It seems like all I do is ask myself questions. All I want are answers and I'm forced to search for them myself. The only way sleep is possible is from my medication, which seems to be helping immensely already.
To add onto the stress of not having anywhere to go, I'm obviously also dealing with the feelings of the actual break up. My emotions are like a roller coaster. I haven't been able to eat properly. At the end of everyday I feel a little more accomplished in my feelings of sadness and longing for him. Then when I wake up it all comes crashing back down. Every new day it starts all over again and I'm forced to remind myself of all the horrible shit I endured in order to feel better.
I know, typical break up. Everyone deals with it. All I know is that I want to be alone. I need to start loving myself again and just have fun because I sacrificed so much of myself when I was with him. Break ups are always going to be hard, but it gives you a chance to really get to know yourself and your feelings. In some ways I look at it as a blessing.
"Where you now stand is a result of thoughts and feelings that you have offered before, but where you are going is a result of your perspective of where you now stand."
- Esther Hicks, best-selling author and motivational speaker.
- Esther Hicks, best-selling author and motivational speaker.
2 comments:
I wish you luck with your situation. I'm currently in a similar one, although without the break-up. My options were 1. move in with the guy I no longer love 2. be homeless 3. move in with my mom and deal with all those crazy issues and quite possibly go bald from ripping all my hair out. I also wrestled with this decision, tossing and turning every night, with no one to turn to for advice. I opted for option #1, which I know is a huge mistake, but it seems like the lesser of evils. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. It's hard to get over a heartbreak, especially when other aspects of your life are in chaos. I hope your decision works for you, you are back on your feet quickly, and you can high-tail it out of your mom's house.
After moving to Texas, I discovered that Oklahoma is actually kind of cool. OKC is actually rated as a great place for a young person to move to. Lots of jobs and lots of creative folk.
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