The truth is: I'm still angry.
It's a hard truth to swallow considering my whole life I've tried to pretend that my past doesn't control my future. I let it anyway, whether I fought it or not, eventually it still crept it's sick little face into my life. For some reason the last few days I've seen nothing but quotes about the past in people's Facebook statuses and in blog posts and I can't help but wonder if it's a message.
Hoping for some release, I talk about my pain. I may not necessarily wear it on my sleeve but it's there and I acknowledge it. All I want to do is move on from the past, let it go, because it should not dictate my future. I don't let it control me but every once in a while it creeps up and grabs a hold of me. How do I release it forever? I don't want to have these dreams anymore. All I want is a good nights sleep instead of trying to fall asleep afraid of whats coming. Not peace, but torture.
You are no longer locked inside a safe steel box. You are out haunting my dreams again. All I want is for you to leave this place so I can have some peace of mind. I don't care how you do it, just leave me be.
'Cause I'm on top
Of my game
But I'm losing control
Falling by the wayside
Of my game
But I'm losing control
Falling by the wayside
5 comments:
love the first paragraph.
heather, if it makes you feel any better, i think a lot of people are going through a rough time right now. actually, almost everyone i know is going through a break-up, depression, confusion...you name it.
something is going on...
you're not alone.
Something IS going on. I feel like you just poured the contents of my heart into your post. These last few days have been difficult for me as well, not because of the present or the future (well, maybe a little bit), but mainly because I can't get past the past and it has wrecked me, despite the "happy face" I wear all day. Hang in there!
You don't strike me as a person that's controlled by their past. If you were, you'd be denying these things that upset you. They'd be pushed deep down, and affect things without you realizing it. Instead, you're giving names to them, defining them, exposing them. Believe it or not, identifying those things puts YOU in control, and only a strong person, a person looking towards the future, is capable of such a thing.
Thank you all for such sweet words. It always makes my day a little better to check my inbox and see that people are responding!
Post a Comment