TMI Thursday: Masturbation and Anal Glands

My dog has been acting a little strange lately. He's obsessively licking himself. Yeah, not just his paw either. His ass hole and wiener. Yes, I like to use the word wiener. Much more appropriate for a dog because penis sounds so perverted. We put up with it for a couple weeks because we thought it wasn't anything serious. Dogs always lick themselves don't they?

It got to the point where he would literally stop licking, look at me, and then start whimpering and crying. It broke my little heart so I told Andrew it was time to take him to the vet. Both of us are really poor at the moment so we were trying to wait until payday but we were afraid because he was going nuts on himself. All hours of the night he licked his ass hole and wiener.



The vet explained to Andrew, because I was busy at work (like always), male dogs can smell female dogs in heat up to a 5 mile radius. That is some intense shit. Like if a dude could smell a chick on her period, would you get horny? FIVE FUCKING MILES. I'm sure there are tons of bitches (I've been waiting to use that word in the proper context my whole entire life) around my neighborhood because our whole culdesac has dogs, I can't even imagine the entire neighborhood. My job isn't even 5 miles away. That's a lot of bitches in heat. So my dog is rubbing one out. Mr. Muggles is officially a pervert just like his daddy.

We were also introduced to the reason he is licking his ass hole. No, he isn't just a kinky dog. Apparently if their poop is too soft it never leaves the anus; therefore, his anal glands had to be cleaned.

Never would I have imagined either of these things occurring when I got a dog, but alas they have and I have dealt with them. All I have to do is look at that face and all is right with the world.